The dentist, my gag reflex and the little blue pill

I don’t like going to the dentist.

I’m fairly certain there are very few people who genuinely look forward to sitting in a chair while someone pokes around in their mouth, but for some people, a dental appointment is more than just something they’d rather avoid. It brings genuine anxiety, fear and, for some of us, a physical reaction that feels completely beyond our control.

I’m one of those people.

I have what’s known as a hyperactive gag reflex. Mine was partly triggered by how incredibly sick I was during pregnancy and partly made worse by anxiety. It means that things other people wouldn’t even think twice about can set it off.

Chewing gum. Brushing my teeth and leaving the toothbrush in my mouth for too long. Holding food in my mouth. Certain textures. Anything that creates that sensation at the back of my throat can be enough to trigger a very dramatic response.

Which makes dental appointments, shall we say, interesting.

I’m actually incredibly lucky. We’re registered with a lovely dental practice, and my dentist is brilliant. He’s sensible, practical and very no-nonsense, but he also completely understands my issue and works with me rather than making me feel ridiculous for it.

A quick examination is usually absolutely fine. He can have a look, do what he calls a “brief poke about” and I can cope. But anything beyond that — X-rays, fillings, cleaning, dental work — requires me to be calm and relaxed. Because once the gag reflex kicks in, there’s not much anyone can do, and trying to carry out treatment while I’m fighting the urge to be sick is not exactly ideal for anyone involved.

Thankfully, I’m actually quite lucky with my teeth. Despite my Scottish heritage (which seems to come with its own reputation for dental struggles), being desperately ill during pregnancy, and my definite weakness for sweet things, I haven’t had too many problems.

But I still go for my check-ups. I still look after my teeth. And when I do need more than just a quick examination, I need a little extra help.

Over the years, I’ve tried pretty much everything.

Breathing exercises. Relaxation techniques. Hypnotherapy. Herbal remedies. Calming strategies. You name it, I’ve probably given it a go.

I’ve even tried booking appointments later in the day and having a glass of wine beforehand. (I know. I know. Not exactly textbook advice. But when you’re desperate, you get creative.)

Spoiler alert: it didn’t help.

So eventually, the question became…

What does a girl with a ridiculously overenthusiastic gag reflex actually do?

My dentist suggested I speak to my GP about having a one-off prescription for diazepam to help me get through dental treatment.

Yes, that’s right.

His solution was that I take a small dose of medication before sitting in the dentist’s chair.

And do you know what?

It works.

I’ve done it before, and it made a huge difference. It calms me down, relaxes me and allows me to tolerate dental work without my anxiety taking over or my gag reflex making an appearance.

Before I had children, I needed a filling repaired and used a small dose to get through the appointment. Since then, I’ve either been pregnant, breastfeeding or only needed routine check-ups, so it hasn’t really been an option. But now I’m at the point where I need some treatment, and I’ve decided that it’s OK to ask for the support I need.

It’s literally one prescription. One tablet. One appointment.

(Which, incidentally, makes for a fun conversation at the pharmacy.)

The dose that works for me is 5mg, and that’s enough to get me through the experience without feeling overwhelmed.

For a long time, I felt embarrassed about this.

I felt like I should just be able to cope. That as a grown adult, I shouldn’t need help getting through something as ordinary as a dental appointment.

But the thing is, people don’t always understand what anxiety looks like when it becomes physical. This isn’t me being a bit nervous or not liking the dentist. This is my body having a genuine, involuntary response that I cannot simply “breathe through” or switch off.

I’ve lost count of the number of times people say things like, “You just need to relax,” or “Just take deep breaths.”

If only it were that simple.

Over time, though, I’ve become much kinder to myself. I’ve accepted that there are some things I can manage with coping strategies, and there are some situations where a little extra support is the right choice.

And I’m not ashamed of that anymore.

I will take my tablet, go to my appointment, get the treatment I need, come home afterwards and probably have a very long nap because diazepam does that to me.

And afterwards?

I’ll have healthier teeth, a repaired filling, and hopefully no panic attack and no dramatic episode in the dentist’s chair.

That feels like a win.

So, hi. My name is Karen, and I have a dental phobia and a hyperactive gag reflex.

I’m not ashamed of it.

I’m also not ashamed to use the tools available to me to look after my health.

Valium it is then… 😉

If you struggle with dental anxiety, I’d genuinely love to hear how you cope. What works for you? What helps you get through appointments?

What I don’t need, though, is a lecture about medication, or suggestions that I just try another breathing technique. Trust me, I’ve been there. I’m sharing this because sometimes the thing we need most is not another solution — it’s knowing we’re not the only person who finds something difficult.