Why do people with ADHD struggle with competitive games and team playing?

I have a confession. I don’t particularly enjoy competitive games.

And before anyone tells me that competition is fun, builds character and teaches you how to work as part of a team… I know. I know all of this. But give me a game where I’m expected to work with a group of people, remember a set of rules, listen to instructions, make sensible decisions, stay calm when things aren’t going well and not get distracted by something completely unrelated? Yeah. Good luck with that.

For some people with ADHD, competitive games and team activities can be really difficult. Not because we don’t want to join in, and not because we’re incapable of being competitive. In fact, sometimes the exact opposite is true. We can be far too competitive. And that can make things even more complicated.

It’s not just about winning

One of the things people sometimes misunderstand about ADHD is that difficulties with games or team activities aren’t necessarily about being a bad loser. For some people, losing can feel disproportionately frustrating.

ADHD can come with difficulties regulating emotions, managing frustration, shifting attention and dealing with things that don’t go the way we expected. So something that another person might shrug off as, “Never mind, we’ll get them next time,” can feel more like, “WHY DID YOU DO THAT? WHY DID I DO THAT? WHY ARE WE LOSING? I HATE THIS GAME.”

And then five minutes later you’re absolutely fine and wondering why everyone is looking at you. It’s not necessarily that the person with ADHD is being dramatic. Their emotional response can simply arrive at a much higher volume.

Team games can be a LOT

Team games introduce a whole extra layer of things for an ADHD brain to manage. You aren’t just playing the game. You’re listening, remembering the rules, watching what everyone else is doing, trying to remember what you’re supposed to be doing, waiting for your turn and trying not to lose concentration.

You’re also trying to remember the strategy someone explained approximately 30 seconds ago, while simultaneously wondering why Dave has suddenly wandered off and whether anyone else has noticed.

It’s a lot of information coming at once. And if the game is fast-paced, noisy or competitive, that cognitive load can become even bigger. For someone whose attention regulation is already a challenge, it’s hardly surprising that things can start to unravel.

And then there’s the waiting…

Oh, the waiting.

If you’ve got ADHD, waiting for your turn can be surprisingly difficult, especially when you have absolutely nothing to do while you’re waiting. Your brain doesn’t necessarily think, “Lovely. I’ll sit quietly and observe the game until it’s my turn.”

It thinks, “What’s that noise? I wonder what time we’re eating? Why does that person have such nice trainers? Oh, I need to Google that thing. Hang on, whose turn is it?”

And suddenly you’ve missed three rounds and everyone is shouting, “Karen! It’s your turn!”

This isn’t deliberate. Attention isn’t simply something you can switch on because somebody tells you to concentrate.

Losing can feel worse when you’ve invested everything

Another thing that can happen is hyperfocus. And this is where ADHD can become slightly contradictory.

Someone with ADHD might struggle desperately to concentrate on something they’re bored by, but become completely absorbed in something they’re interested in. Competitive games can absolutely trigger that.

Suddenly we’re in it. We’re focused. We’re invested. We’re trying to win. And then losing doesn’t just mean losing. It can feel like all of that concentration and effort has been wasted.

The emotional crash can be surprisingly big. And if you’ve already spent the last hour trying desperately to keep your brain engaged, being told “it’s only a game” probably isn’t particularly helpful.

Because yes. It is only a game.

But your nervous system apparently didn’t get the memo.

Teamwork can be complicated too

ADHD can also affect the social side of team games. Some people with ADHD can be very enthusiastic and energetic team members. We’re the ones shouting encouragement, coming up with ideas and getting ridiculously excited when something works.

But we can also interrupt. We might talk over someone, forget that someone else was speaking, jump in with an idea before they’ve finished explaining theirs, struggle to follow a complicated strategy or become frustrated because we feel that other people aren’t doing things properly.

None of this means someone with ADHD doesn’t care about their teammates. Quite often, they care a lot. Sometimes perhaps a little too much.

The rejection sensitivity element

There can also be another uncomfortable layer to team games: feeling like you’re letting everyone down. If you’ve spent years being told that you’re too loud, too impulsive, too emotional, too distracted or “not listening”, it’s very easy to become hyper-aware of other people’s reactions. Make a mistake in an individual game and that’s your mistake. Make a mistake in a team game and suddenly your brain might be screaming, “Everyone thinks I’m useless.” Even if nobody actually thinks that. Even if your teammates have completely forgotten about the mistake two minutes later. That fear of being judged can make competitive situations much more stressful than they appear from the outside.

But ADHD people can also be brilliant at games

And this is the important bit. ADHD doesn’t automatically make someone bad at competitive games. Some people with ADHD absolutely thrive on competition. The excitement, novelty, fast pace and immediate rewards can be exactly what their brains need.

They may be fantastic at quick decision-making. They may see patterns other people miss. They may be incredibly creative problem-solvers. They may take risks that other people wouldn’t. And once they’re interested in something, they can become ridiculously good at it.

This is why I think it’s dangerous to reduce ADHD to simply being “easily distracted”. ADHD isn’t an inability to concentrate. It’s much more complicated than that.It’s often about regulating attention, motivation and emotions. And competitive games can either work brilliantly with that or clash with it spectacularly.

So what actually helps?

Sometimes, simply understanding that the person isn’t deliberately being difficult makes a huge difference. Shorter games can help, as can clear rules, knowing what is expected and having a chance to take a break when things become overwhelming. Not humiliating someone for making a mistake definitely helps too.

And perhaps most importantly, finding activities where people can enjoy themselves without everything having to become a test of who is the best can make a huge difference. Because not everyone enjoys competition. And that’s OK.

Some of us would rather play something silly, have a laugh, get distracted halfway through and completely forget who was supposed to be keeping score. And honestly? That sounds like much more fun to me.

ADHD doesn’t mean you can’t be competitive

It doesn’t mean you can’t work in a team. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad sport. And it certainly doesn’t mean you don’t care.

Sometimes the structure, pressure, noise, waiting, social expectations and emotional intensity of competitive team games simply create a perfect storm for an ADHD brain. And sometimes the very same brain that struggles to sit through a boring team game can spend six hours obsessively learning every possible strategy for a game they’re genuinely interested in. Because that’s ADHD.

It’s complicated. It’s contradictory. And, occasionally, it’s really bloody frustrating. But it’s also why you might find yourself saying, “I hate competitive games,” …and then becoming absolutely furious because you lost.

And yes.

I appreciate the irony.